It was a cute girl. Now she is badly bruised. You got her phone number. You jumped over her. Weird. It was a rock. Your knuckles are all bloody. Now you're really bored. You jumped over it. Nice one. It was a monster. He wasn't very strong. You won. He pulled out a gun and shot you. He was tall and you ran into his torso. It was a chest. You beat the crap out of it. Poor chest. You talked it into opening up. You're rich! You jumped over it. Phew. Close one. It was a Darren. You never liked Darren. Good going. He called you a 'dumbjob.' Ouch. He let you jump over him. Leap frog! It was a ball. You popped it and made some kid cry. It talks of foreign lands. Intruiging. You land on it and fall awkwardly. It was the cable. The cable refuses to fight back. It says your girlfriend cheats on you. Good. You don't get electrocuted. It was a proverb. You knock the proverbial snot out of it. It's too highbrow. You get confused. I said 'proverb' not 'riverb!' Jeez. It was a stump. You can't fight the stump any more than you can stop time. It grows a little. You jumped over it. Good plan. It was mother. You lose. Now you're on telephone restriction. She calls nintendo, 'intendro.' How embarrassing. Yeah! Jumped you, mommy! It was coffee. It won. Now you'll be up all night. 'Triple cream, triple sugar. And a cruller' You spilled it. Whatever. It was a rabid dog. Rabies for you. 'Quit crappin up my lawn!' Bites the butt off your pants. Like in cartoons. It was a calendar. You can't. You still end up getting everyone gift cards. It says you forgot your 6 monthiversary. You're screwed. You jump over it. Leap year! It was fear itself. You fight fear with fear. Oh wait, that's fire. You learn that it's just as scared of you. You fall forever then wake up in a bad cliche. It was a computer. You reformat and install Linux. Nice work. Voice recognition software still sucks. You land in Darren's cubicle. Guy's a tool. It was a train. You put a penny on the tracks. Doesn't derail. You talk to the hobo in the livestock car. He smells. Right through an open boxcar in a TransAm! It was a bat. You throw tin foil at it, screwing up its radar. SCREE! SQUEE! Ow! Your ears! It's too high up. You hug a tree. It was great. Why fight something so great? You talk to it. It's so great. You jump over. Eh. Not so great. It was Robot Darren. Robot Darren has a laser. VOIP! It calls you a 'syntax error.' Ouch. It was standing on a see-saw. It gets much air. It was a shark It bites your fists off. Too bad. Quint calls out to you from the depths of the shark's belly with some keen fishing tips. You jump the shark. Just like Homestarrunner.com. It was a Franciscan monk. Wimpiest monk ever. High five. You tell him the one about the horse in the midget bar. He keeps his vow. You catch your foot on his habit, tripping and falling. It was a home stereo system. You puntcure the subwoofer. Lame. It totally is talking back to you! You jump around, jump around, jump up jump up and get down. It was a scratch ticket. In the process you rub off the silver stuff. Five dollars! It makes you feel like a loser. It could have been a winner. Now you'll never know. It was a stand of pines. Not standing anymore, boyiii. It whispers back. You get caught on the branches and some serious pitch gets all over your hallrunning duds. It was a prisoner. He kicks your butt from here to the joint. He seems amenable to reason and affirms your faith in rehabilitation. You avoided catching a bad case of incarceration. It was a meal replacement bar. You break a tooth trying to bite it to death. You tell it that it is flavorless, and it reaffirms your belief by not replying. Ain't nobody replacing YOUR meal. It was the swing-dancing trend. You try but peer pressure causes you to take lessons anyway. It is impervious to reason. It was pretty short so you have no trouble clearing it. It was some social injustice. You feel pretty awesome about yourself. Good conversation but nothing gets done. Sure, sure. Pretend like it doesn't exist. It was K2. You get lightheaded from lack of oxygen and lose both your hands. You guys make fun of sherpas together. Good times. It's a smidge too high. It was love. You can't fight it and you can't hurry it. You just have to wait. You see a counselor and try to work things out. It doesn't work. Now you're talking.